Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I like guys. I like them in that way. Euphemistically, I enjoy knowing guys in the Biblical sense. Lots of people say that this is wrong but as you know, I was created in God's image and so He obviously enjoys guys like I do and that must mean its ok. Unless He has internalised homophobia or something. But then, the Bible is all men-this, men-that which shows to me a certain proclivity on God's behalf, don't you think? I know that anything I write has mostly guys in it for exactly that reason.

Besides, even if that weren't the case it would seem pityingly petty of God to give us, of all His creations, Free Will and then punish us for actually using it! Those who would suggest this are laughingly misled! To consider God to be such a petty bastard is both pathetically sad and obviously blasphemous. Besides which, there are many animals without Free Will that behave in a homosexual manner so it obviously part of God's ineffable plan that such things exist. To belittle that plan would be to belittle God, and we couldn't have that, now, could we?

(In that previous paragraph, I refered to God as a "petty bastard", I'm not sure that, when refering to Him in that way, that I should capitalise the words? "Petty Bastard"? I apologise if I've caused any offence by not doing so.)

You and I, Jesus, we know this but it pains me that there are so many people who are misled by their own insecurities and evil tendencies to do things in God's name that are obviously not his desire.

Sure, this is the same God who enticed the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites to attack the Israelites and then had the Israelites smite them. But I imagine he's grown out of that pubescent phase and has moved on to have a more mature and tempered outlook on life now. So we'll not hold that against him now, will we?

And sure, He did all that horrible shit to Job just because he got tired of Satan teasing Him. But we can forgive Him his inability to rise above Satan's ribbing as nobody's perfect. And who hasn't pushed another person, like a sore tooth, to see how far you can go before they explode? Its only human.

So anyway, it seems to me there are idiots out there who dwell on the mistakes God made when He was younger and still growing into His role rather than looking at the successes of the recent past wherein He's obviously taken a far less intraventionist role and let people do with their Free Will as they see fit.

In regards to the idiots who dwell on the past, I find them a little disconcerting and wonder if you could provide me some help with figuring out how to fix these people?

I would be willing to be the Sword of God but that seems to be a bit last century. If you could guarantee success I'd prefer suing them for being idiots who deliberatly misrepresnt God. That's a more up to date way of getting things done. Unless its a whole country of like minded types, then we can invade them, which would be kind of cool. Especially if you arrange for them to have some useful natural resource that we'd want.

Anyway, I eargerly await your reply, Jesus.

Yours sincerely,
Brian

PS:
Please respond via return address as I don't often take notice of the voices in my head- there's so much spam.

PPS:
Thank God for me regarding the prostate, it feels so good. Just another proof that I am truly in His image in regards to the liking of guys.