Boobies

I don't get boobs. By which I mean, I don't understand their attraction. What's so exciting about two bags of flab stuck unceremoniously onto the front of what might otherwise be an attractive chest?

I understand the pragmatic purpose of boobs for the suckling of infants. But that's becoming a thing considered out of vogue now; every child is raised on Perrier Milk at the moment. This would mean we could do away with boobs and then females might be attractive to me. If they had dicks, I suppose. Not that dicks are attractive, mind you, but they are fun.

Oh, and before you assume I find bottoms attractive and that they are roughly boob shaped and so I therefore have the same fixation as a straight guy. Stop. While I've seen this 'seriously' suggested, in my particular instance, I don't get bottoms, either.

So what, then, do I get? When I check out a guy I usually look at things in this order: face, arms, legs (assuming they are exposed for viewing). If the guy is topless, I look at things in this order: chest, chest, chest. An I make sure there's no boobies there ruining the contours.

The curves of boobies are too pronounced for my liking; I like the softer curves of the male torso (with or without the ripples of the six pack), provided there's no chest hair disturbing the flow. That is beauty. Not gratuitous hemispheres of fatty tissue- they just look awkward.

You're a bloke who likes boobies? You can have 'em; get fat and grow a pair yourself. But stop trying to convince me that they're anything special. After all, that leaves more for you.

Boobies! Indeed! Next I'll hear that partners without penises are sexually satisfying. Somehow. Haha. Woteva.